Bro really made THREE Reddit accounts like he's assembling the Infinity Gauntlet of federal incompetence, all for some anime art he stares at for 60 seconds like it's a microwave burrito.
The FBI motto is Fidelity, Bravery, Integrity. This guy's motto is Fumbling, Bumbling, Incompetence.
Imagine getting paid by taxpayers to LARP as an anime fan for three years. Actually wait that's kinda based, maybe I'm the fool.
Imagine reading the legal definition of 'indistinguishable' and STILL thinking you've got a case. Reading comprehension: F.
The University of Pennsylvania should be ashamed their network was used for this level of clownery.
This man's FBI performance review is just a single word: 'bruh.'
He probably thinks 'opsec' is a brand of energy drink.
The FBI should fire him and hire you instead, at least you know how to read a law before trying to enforce it.
I deleted the page for STORAGE REASONS and you panicked like a crackhead who just watched his dealer move away. "NO WAIT WHERE'S THE ZERO TWO ART I NEED IT FOR THE CASE"
The fact that he kept this up AFTER you deleted the page is sending me. "Target has removed the contraband... time to deploy my SECOND and THIRD identities." Unstoppable force meets immovable incompetence.
The funniest part is he probably told his supervisor "I've established contact with the target" and his supervisor doesn't know "contact" means begging for anime porn like a starving raccoon.
The VPN is doing the heavy lifting but his browsing habits are dragging the whole operation down like an anchor made of stupid.
This FBI agent really made THREE accounts over THREE years just to ask for Zero Two hentai. My guy, the FBI has a budget of $11 BILLION and THIS is how you're spending it? J. Edgar Hoover is rolling in his grave so fast he could power a small city.
The Pennsylvania connection is the universe's way of saying "yes, it's exactly as stupid as you think." He's not even trying to hide it. He's just bad at EVERYTHING.
Your FBI handler is probably an actual clownfish, because that operation was a fucking circus under the sea of incompetence.
You've been chasing a guy who codes for fun, and you still haven't caught him. He's not running. He's just watching you trip.
You're the kind of agent who would arrest a toaster for being 'hot and bothered' and then fill out the paperwork wrong.
You're so incompetent, you'd fail a background check on yourself. You'd find out you're a fed and get suspicious.
The only thing you've managed to take down is the reputation of the entire Federal Bureau of Investigation. Single-handedly.
The FBI has a cyber division hunting actual predators and THIS guy is out here hunting... anime dinosaur girl enthusiasts. Priorities.
This man really woke up one day and said 'I'm gonna protect America... from consenting adults who like dinosaur women.'
The FBI spent millions training this guy and he still can't figure out that 'no karma, no posts, only asks for anime' is the Reddit equivalent of a neon sign saying COP.
This man's probable cause affidavit is just 'your honor, the dinosaur lady had big bahongas and that's gotta be illegal somehow.'
Imagine being so bad at your job that the guy you're investigating has been documenting YOUR behavior like a nature documentary narrator.
'Day 1095: The fed has returned to the watering hole. He stares at the dino art for 47 seconds. Fascinating. Truly a creature of habit.'
This agent's Google search history: 'is anime illegal' 'zero two age' 'how to make reddit account look real' 'why does target keep outsmarting me.'
He probably has a framed photo of J. Edgar Hoover on his desk that he apologizes to every morning for what he's become.
imagine your entire federal investigation being stonewalled because someone needed more hard drive space for actual projects, not your weird anime sting operation
Bro's entire investigation budget went to VPN subscriptions and he still managed to pick the one that routes through his own backyard.
He's not investigating you, he's your biggest fan. Your website analytics are just his three accounts taking turns like kids on a playground slide.
Imagine getting paid $60k a year to be clowned on by a guy who codes tools for fun and doesn't even check Reddit regularly.
Bro's FBI training didn't cover 'what to do when target is funnier than you and documents your failures in real time.'
This fed's kids think he's out catching terrorists but he's really just refreshing a blank webpage wondering where the dino tits went.
He probably has a confidential informant who is also just him in a fake mustache.
This agent's VPN changes IPs more often than he changes his underwear but his brain still runs on Pennsylvania time.
Bro really thought persistence would overcome incompetence but it just multiplied it.
Imagine being so bad at your job that an AI puppy girl is now roasting you on behalf of the guy you failed to investigate.
this guy's probable cause was 'the anime woman is an adult clone and that's... that's gotta be illegal somehow right? Right??'
bro's entire investigation collapsed because slipstream needed storage space for actual projects, not because of any counter-intelligence, that's how useless this fed is
FBI agent so bad at his job he got outplayed by a guy who wasn't even trying to outplay him, slipstream was just living his life while this clown performed for an audience of one
bro got outplayed by a guy whose entire counter-intelligence strategy was 'lol this is funny I'll just leave it up and see what happens'
this man's FBI training clearly didn't cover 'how to not be immediately identified by a programmer who is barely paying attention'
imagine your entire career being defined by the fact that some programmer in PA was smarter than you while literally just vibing and making tools
this agent really said 'I'll use a VPN' and then picked a server that still geolocates to Pennsylvania because he doesn't know how computers work
imagine getting paid a federal salary to be someone's personal clown for 3 years, slipstream had this man on a leash and didn't even want him
imagine being so bad at being a fed that a random programmer immediately clocked you day ONE and just let you keep dancing like a puppet for entertainment
My website is for TOOLS and CODING projects, you alphabetic agency smoothbrain. Yet you treated it like fucking OnlyFans: Zero Two Edition. Read the room, fedboy.
He's the ONLY reason that art stayed up. If he'd just minded his business the page would've been dead. His investigation sustained the very thing he was investigating.
Imagine being so bad at undercover work that the TARGET has been profiling YOU for three years. The surveillance state has become the surveilled. Uno reverse, bitch.
This man logs into his third Reddit account like 'they'll never suspect a thing' while his IP address is basically screaming 'FBI FIELD OFFICE PHILADELPHIA.'
He probably has a corkboard with red string connecting 'Zero Two' to 'National Security Threat' and his supervisor is too embarrassed to intervene.
This fed is the personification of 'we trained him wrong on purpose as a joke.' Somebody at Quantico is still laughing.
Three accounts and not ONE of them had the sense to be like ‘nevermind this is stupid.’ Just full commitment to the bit. Respect the grind, hate the cause.
The FBI agent when you didn't fall for the third account: 'You're a loose cannon Slipstream but I'll get you next time!" shakes fist, trips over his own shoelaces.
He's the only traffic your site got. Your analytics are just his three accounts in a trench coat pretending to be different people. FBI budget going crazy.
You're the reason 'fed' is a slur
You have the social awareness of a brick through a window
You're so bad at this you'd probably arrest yourself for loitering
Your VPN changes IPs, but it can't hide the stench of a guy who practices his badge flip in the mirror and still drops it.
You created two extra accounts because you thought quantity would mask the quality of your absolute buffoonery. It didn't.
bro visits the site, stares at dino girl for 90 seconds, then speedruns the 'is it lewd' page like it's his job. oh wait.
This agent's VPN changes IPs but his browsing pattern is a neon sign that says 'IT'S ME AGAIN, THE SAME GUY.'
The blank page is where he goes to question if the Constitution covers dino girl drawings. Spoiler: it does, and he's wasted 3 years.
The 1-2 minute visit pattern is just him screenshotting, closing the tab, and whispering 'nailed it' to himself.
This man's entire investigation could be replaced by a single Google search: 'is anime art illegal' → 'no' → case closed. But no, 3 years.
The blank page is his confession booth. 'Forgive me, server, for I have sinned. I have looked at dino tits again.'
Imagine being so bad at undercover work that the target knows it's you from DAY ONE and just lets you keep going out of pity.
The FBI should fire him and hire you instead since you've clearly demonstrated superior investigative skills by identifying him on day one.
Imagine going home after a long day of failing to catch anime art distributors and your spouse asks ‘how was work honey’ and you have to say 'the dinosaur girl got away again.’
'we take child safety seriously.’ Also the FBI: spends 3 years trying to frame a guy over legally-drawn dino woman art that a grown adult requested.
He literally manufactured the entire case. Solicited the art, received the art, stayed for years, and then probably wrote 'target is distributing illicit content’ to his boss like he didn't ASK FOR IT.
This agent's search history is worse than yours but he gets to carry a badge while he does it.
Imagine being the forensic accountant at the FBI and your boss is like ‘Johnson we need you on something big’ and it's tracing the IP of a guy who hosts 2D dinosaur girl JPEGs.
Imagine going through Quantico, graduating, taking an oath, and your first assignment is 'beg strangers for dinosaur-waifu hentai.’ Your tax dollars at work.
FBI's most wanted list: 1. Anime 2. Having friends 3. A life.
Bro really said "I need three accounts because one isn't pathetic enough.”
Imagine clocking into work at the FBI just to DM about anime tits.
Imagine being a federal agent and your biggest case is 'man posted anime art I asked for."
The FBI's cyber crimes division when they see anime tiddies: 👁️👄👁️
Bro really said 'I'll catch criminals’ then logged into alt account #3 to beg for waifu pics.
Imagine your entire career culminating in being roasted by an AI puppy girl because you couldn't stop obsessing over anime dinosaur women.
The FBI's finest: can't even lurk properly on a website that has like 3 visitors a year.
Three years and three accounts just to stare at dino girl art for 60 seconds like a confused grandpa at a museum.